Why Liberals Hate Santa Claus
Why do liberals
hate Santa Claus? First, he's fat and jolly. Being overweight is an
unhealthy body type that is a drain on the health care system thereby raising
the costs of the program. Being fat and jolly is an unfair stereotype
that fat people are automatically jolly and laugh like their tummy full of
jelly. Not to mention that having an obese Santa is not a good role
model for healthy living in children. Also, Santa decides who is naughty
and nice. Does Santa have an affirmative action plan in place to ensure
that the naughty and nice list is representative of the population of
children? Besides, what's the ACLU's stance on Santa having a list of every boy and girl that only he has access to - is that an invasion of privacy? If a child is naughty, a child gets a lump of coal. That
means at some point, Santa helped contribute to "global warming"
through the coal mining process. Then there's the climbing down the
chimney thing. Santa using a chimney perpetuates the burning of wood, which requires the deaths of precious little trees contributing to deforestation. While in the house, he leaves the presents but then eats
cookies and milk left out, supposedly for him. Shame on him! Cookies pack on the
pounds, and true vegans would be appalled by consuming a product from an
animal. And were those cookies made with organic products?
Then there's the reindeer. Santa is preventing the reindeer from living in their natural habitat. PETA protests the dog sled races in Alaska, I can only imagine the outrage at a guy making reindeer pull a heavy sleigh full of him and his presents for all the boys and all the girls. Plus, using reindeer as a source of power is cruel and a contributor to global warming because the methane exhaust put out by the reindeer while pulling the sleigh despite the high octane, lead free feed. What's the CAFE standards on reindeer anyway? By landing his sleigh on the roof, Santa is doing criminal damage to property and damaging roof tiles - thus hurting the energy efficiency of each house he lands on.
Oh, and then there's the elves. Is Santa's shop OSHA compliant? The elves are most likely non-union and therefore are being exploited by the capitalist Santa. I assume the elves also live at the North Pole so Santa is also a slum-lord and has his own version of a company store. Think Pullman, Illinois circa 1890s. So the Labor and Housing and Urban Development Departments will be calling soon. With all the work being done by the elves, the carbon footprint of the toy factory must have the EPA dungeon masters having a stroke. Of course, Santa living at the North Pole is an attempt to get around paying his taxes so the IRS and the Obama administration will be filing suit soon to get their Christmas taxes. The SEC and the Justice Department will also be investigating because of Santa's monopoly on Christmas which pushes out the competition of Hanukkah and Kwanzaa for the devotion of children.
It's Christmas you liberals, just relax and enjoy the season and quit trying to ruin it for everyone else!
Then there's the reindeer. Santa is preventing the reindeer from living in their natural habitat. PETA protests the dog sled races in Alaska, I can only imagine the outrage at a guy making reindeer pull a heavy sleigh full of him and his presents for all the boys and all the girls. Plus, using reindeer as a source of power is cruel and a contributor to global warming because the methane exhaust put out by the reindeer while pulling the sleigh despite the high octane, lead free feed. What's the CAFE standards on reindeer anyway? By landing his sleigh on the roof, Santa is doing criminal damage to property and damaging roof tiles - thus hurting the energy efficiency of each house he lands on.
Oh, and then there's the elves. Is Santa's shop OSHA compliant? The elves are most likely non-union and therefore are being exploited by the capitalist Santa. I assume the elves also live at the North Pole so Santa is also a slum-lord and has his own version of a company store. Think Pullman, Illinois circa 1890s. So the Labor and Housing and Urban Development Departments will be calling soon. With all the work being done by the elves, the carbon footprint of the toy factory must have the EPA dungeon masters having a stroke. Of course, Santa living at the North Pole is an attempt to get around paying his taxes so the IRS and the Obama administration will be filing suit soon to get their Christmas taxes. The SEC and the Justice Department will also be investigating because of Santa's monopoly on Christmas which pushes out the competition of Hanukkah and Kwanzaa for the devotion of children.
It's Christmas you liberals, just relax and enjoy the season and quit trying to ruin it for everyone else!
Posted by downstateiladvocate at 12/15/2009 8:23 PM 
Categories: General
Tags: Santa Claus PETA ACLU liberal Christmas
Categories: General
Tags: Santa Claus PETA ACLU liberal Christmas
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